How Much Sex is Too Much Sex in a Romance Novel?

"I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far." Mae West

Apparently, the sky is the limit on this topic! Like stove top burners, from low to medium low, all the way up to high, romance novels have different heat levels for varying degrees of tastes. From clean and pure inspirationals to erotica so steamy it singes the eyebrows, there's a temperature level that's just right for everyone.

I love lots of romance and passion between a committed couple (that stops before "the act"). And the best lovemaking scenes (in my opinion) are between a married couple. These can be hot and steamy, but lead to a closed bedroom door. Then imagination can take over from there.

In discussing this issue with a writer, I mentioned the types of books I'd like to write. For some lines, she told me to check the guidelines carefully. "You can't mention the word "breast" in a sexual way, and affection even between married couples can't be that explicit.

That's not fun I thought. "I can respect those guidelines," I said, "but if I were reading one of those books, I'd think the husband was having an affair, since he didn't look at his wife lustfully and only showed her sisterly affection."

"Check the guidelines," the writer said, "and before you jump to conclusions, read a few."

I decided to take a look the Song of Songs first, which focuses on the spontaneous and exclusive love between a man and a woman. From chapter 7 versus 6-10 I read the following:

Lover (Man)
How beautiful you are and how pleasing. O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.

Beloved (Woman)
May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.

That sounds pretty sensual! According to the Oxford Companion to the Bible, some scholars suggest that the Song was a collection of songs assembled as a repertoire for wedding celebrations. And it appears to me that the Beloved here is certainly having more fun than that poor wife with the unseen breasts who's only shown sisterly affection by her husband!

What are your thoughts?

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Calgon, Take Me Away!

How often do you have a Calgon moment? You know what I'm talking about--those moments when you wish you could become a romance heroine.

The house is a mess, three loads of clean laundry sit waiting to be folded because you haven't had time to do it, the kids are screaming, the dog is barking, and the beef stew is burned and sticking to the bottom of the pot. On top of all that, you're still steamed about the back handed compliment from your husband that morning. "Honey, I love your fuller figure--you're not fat--really."

One reason romance novels are so popular, is that they provide a means of escape from our real lives of drudgery, responsibility--and weight gain--into a world of perfection and fantasy.

In some romance novels, the heroine never has to look at dust on the furniture, think about mopping the dingy floor, cleaning the toilets or remember to fold the laundry--after she cooks dinner. And she's always svelte, beautiful, and never gains a pound. She's able to indulge in pizza, cheeseburgers and ice cream, yet never mentions working out. In addition, she's usually very smart and holds a powerful, high paying job.

The hero is perfect and handsome--and sometimes a multi-millionaire! He always knows what to say, and his love for the heroine is unconditional. Even though there are problems between them, all is resolved and tied up with a happily ever after ending. Sigh...

We love the romance between the hero and heroine, but the fantasy life of the heroine is just as appealing!

Would you trade your real life for the life of a romance heroine--just for a day?