Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Wednesday Discussion: Seen Anything Outlandish Lately?

"You're kidding...right?"
"I was crazy back when being crazy really meant something." Charles Manson

Life always provides something outlandish to amaze, discuss, or even incorporate into a WIP.  Have you heard, read or seen anything lately that seemed totally outlandish? I have two examples to share.

The other night we ate at a fantastic local BBQ place. My kids had burgers, I had a huge slab of ribs, and my husband had brisket, pulled chicken and pulled pork.  It just so happened that the waitresses' black t-shirts were emblazoned with the huge white letters P.E.T.A.

Eeww, I thought, cutting into my meaty, fall off the bone ribs.  Then I laughed as I read what the letters stood for: People Eating Tasty Animals. Sorry, vegetarians.

My next example I found doing research on mens' sleepwear from the 1880's. Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride is a "Christian" pamphlet, written in 1894, that warns young ladies all about---(GASP) sex! For a good laugh, you'll have to read the whole thing, but here are some of the more amusing parts:

Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme.  
While sex at best is revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

As I said, read the whole thing--you'll be amazed! I'll end this post with a quote from Dorothy Patterson (found in The Women's Devotional Bible) regarding sex in marriage from a Biblical standpoint.  Apparently, the author of the above pamphlet must not have been aware of this: 
One finds there a theology of sexuality, which, as designed by God, offers unfailing beauty and incomparable worth.  The Creator designed this most intimate union to reveal knowledge on the ultimate level (Genesis 4:1), to demonstrate the most absolute unity (Genesis 2:24), to unleash the deepest comfort (Genesis 24:67), to continue the generations through procreation (Genesis 1:28), to guard against temptation (1 Corinthians 1:2-5) and even to provide relaxation and play (Song of Songs 2:8-17, 4:1-16).

How about you? What's the most outlandish thing you've run into lately? Think you can use it in your current WIP? Thanks for visiting!


Carol Riggs said...

LOL--whoa, that read like (hilarious) satire. Unbelievable. How times have changed, and nice that you contrasted it with God's perspective. Whew!

Maria McKenzie said...

I couldn't believe it when I first read it! And I couldn't stop laughing;).

Old Kitty said...

Oh this pamphlet is a great find!! Amazing!! I like the bit about letting the man grope in darkness in the hope that he hurts himself enough to end any hopes of sex for the evening! LOL!! it's a wonder babies were ever made!

Thanks for sharing this here!!! Take care

Unknown said...

That pamphlet sure is something... I remember my Sophomore year of High School, my english class studied Puritan Writings... and some of them were just as entertaining as that pamphlet... oh how times have changed.

Maria McKenzie said...

@Old Kitty: I thought the same thing! It's a wonder babies were ever born!

@Austin: Thank goodness times have changed:)!

Intangible Hearts said...

Fabulous. I love this blog and want to come back and re-read it again. Hilarious!

Maria McKenzie said...

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it:).

William Kendall said...

Oh, the author of that pamphlet must have been the life of the party back in the day, huh?

Maria McKenzie said...

You bet!

Unknown said...

That is hilarious!!! It's only because divorce was so taboo then that anybody stayed married, I'm sure! :)

Also, I lovelovelove the Dorothy Patterson quote. Beautiful, beautiful. *saves* (Haha, that paragraph sounds like the goose in Charlotte's Web.)

Maria McKenzie said...

Hi, Melody! Glad you enjoyed the post:).